Lubov: Am I right trying to be impassive to Sasha-Gemini?

        L.R.: Luba, I am surprised how business-like and formal you are in your relations with Sasha-Gemini. And this is what you call the impassivity of your soul? Yesterday I watched your rush towards our new aspirant. Your rush was the most strong, though of a lower nature. Or you imitate somebody who passionately loves.

        You can make sincere movements but you are so eager to have guarantees! You are ready to feel deeply but at certain guarantee conditions. If a take off is guaranteed to you, you will fly. I wonder how is it possible to have a guarantee in a pair meditation? And who gave the idea that you must not die into the Beloved, that you must be impassive? What is it? Will you be impassive to the Christ Who is showing Himself through man's eyes?

        Impassivity as the absence of brutal passions power - this I can understand! But how must we transform this passions if our zeal of mutual salvation is not enough intensive? And what spiritual zeal it would be if passion is not involved?

        I told you many times; stop being self-protected, stop seeking for guarantees of your every step. What do you think men appreciate in a spiritual woman? Her intelligence, heart, knowledge? No! If he is your Husband, he appreciates your readiness to die into His Spiritual inner man. You've got the idea? Not from fear, not from jealousy that you must suffer! Suffer when His Spiritual body is not fed! If you love God - love Him in your Husband. You've been expecting it and suddenly you see it flashing... as though you've seen now the Christ - and fall to the ground in tears and full of gratitude.

        Honestly speaking all men are self-sufficient because women demand guarantees only for their earthly life. None of you possesses enough courage to come to your Beloved openly. Undoubtedly, you love the Christ, but only if He is far in the Heavens. You leave passion as a "burning secret" for yourself, and prays - you leave for Him, Who so far has seemed almost unreal to you. You cannot think of the idea, that passion and prayer are the components of one and the same Salvation Ring. You are trying to do your utmost "to separate the roar of organ from the sacred melody" and enjoy them both but in turn. The roar of organ is not the devil. And the saint melody is not the devil. Your "in turn" - that's the devil.

        You say that there are no "such men". But when you love God you appeal to Him through your man. Whatever form He would use to appear - (be it a cloud or a golden drop, like Sues) you will recognise Him.

        I would not dare say a word, if you did not know this. But you know whom you love, you know what the integrity of relations means, but you are always looking for guarantees so that your precious personality feels not offended.

        But you must behave the right way! Even if a man fails to expose it, you strike against him, you pray, you cry. The same as Khali does - rushing, flying in Cosmos - and finally here appears the Christ. But you want - even if you would fly "high up" - a greeting there: "You are welcome, Madame".

        I told you dozen times: "You are Mother, so you are giving birth. You remember who He is, even if He forgets about it, because as Bearing Mother you need Him to be born". But you are standing and waiting: "How will he behave? Oh, that what he is like!" - etc., as usual. You cannot even teach him a lesson, not condescending to it. You are kind to him because you are indifferent. You are Dugur sitting on the throne with her basic programme: "I am underestimated!"

        Yesterday I told you: "Come on, sacrifice yourself for Love". But you were afraid. And Sasha-Gemini next to you, like an abandoned puppet-doll, was trying to remember something. Neither the Christ, nor devil. And if he is the devil, you fall down on your knees and pray for the sake of the Life in him... Oh, yes, it's not simple: you cannot agree with the devil in him, and you cannot but have God in him. Such situation is complicated, that is why it is called a heroic deed. And what if a compassion arises inside him at seeing how you cry for his Spirit, and he will not even realise why..?

        How do you live? How do you manage not to love a man and love the Christ? Where do you take zeal for the prayer? Who or what makes your prayer intensive? How do you meditate? Where have you "been trained" in your devotion to the Higher if you are not used to be devoted to your Husband?

        I suddenly saw that in our soviet reality many women were "sacred". Surely, they were the generation of our mothers. They cultivated Love to Husband. And also there was something they called "consciousness", "deed". Hardly did they speak much about this. It was quite natural at those times. But undoubtedly, their spiritual labour was their ability in the course of years to love and to hold the channel of the Love deed in the far end of which there stood their Beloved Man. There could be a great distance between them, or her love could not be answered, but there stood the Christ. Not Son but Husband. They were not following the traditional views of public opinion, they had a risk to be abandoned, to remain childless, etc., and all this for the sake of keeping the Christ-Husband for their soul. That was the most strong meditation that pierced through all her life and inspired everything around. Hardly could we recognise any other period in the humanity life when many women worshipped to their Beloved with no demand but only having love as a channel of interact with the Higher, as a deed.

        And here she is, the sacred of the soviet reality. The risk was enormous! not any guarantees: neither earthly, nor heavenly - they knew nothing of Holy Spirit, of immortality. And probably, thanks to their innocence they turned their life into liturgy? I claim it being true because I am such a woman myself, and it could not happen just by chance. All of us, we not noticed how this sacred womb grew us up being such. It's very disappointing if the future generations will not "carry on" this labour. How will they survive in Spirit then?

        You, Luba, is a Capricorn and the people of a Capricorn zodiac in particular, treat the Spirit, and husband, and everything to be mastered, as something that should be conquered. The coagulative principle of Capricorn, the principle of earth induce them to make efforts. It could seem - for the sake of love, but not for that love when you die into your dear, but for the love that seeks to become a gift for him.

        Such behaviour looks very strange. To my mind whatever high is the entity in Cosmos, it is obliged to give itself up to the higher One and to be a gift to others. It gives itself up to those higher and dies into Love, while having compassion on those lower, those dependable.

        Here we confront two deaths, two types of disappearing. We die upward into the Higher with a feeling of awe to It. While in our strong compassion we disappear, we merely cease to exist. Whether we give up ourselves to the Higher upward or make ourselves a gift to the lower downward - we still cannot remain just what we are. The Deity that lavishes upon us, in fact, forgets Itself, strongly attracted by our cry and need and disappears in Its compassion for us. That is the correct balance of male and female, of essence and form, of Divine and human. The Divine compassion, man's compassion, comes and intrudes and never remembers itself, because our need is so great, that it forgets itself completely. And the feminine form too, in its great love to the One Who saves and takes up, forgets itself absolutely. Two those who not remember, pouring into each other, create Trinity.

        The people of Capricorn, those "Crocodiles", do remember, that they personally made efforts and succeeded - and true, their labour was honest! It's quite natural that they claim for a special attitude towards them, they demand gratitude, they wait for some definite fortune, being unable to understand that such law is temporal and destructive.

        That's what titanism is, when we lavish upon the lower and dare take a risk of giving ourselves up to the Higher. Hence all the initiative amount of energy is pouring into ourselves until the energy of the total bursts out and annihilates us as a point.